Getting the Facts Straight

This evening I found myself on the "google machine" just conducting some good ole' research. I came across a site with an article titled, Interesting Toilet Facts. As I read through this most compelling article I learned that an average person visits the toilet 2,500 times a year, about 6-8 times a day, equating to 3 years of life in the toilet. "Very interesting" I thought.

I read on, "Poor toilet condition is a worldwide problem. More than half of the world population has no proper sanitation". I said to myself, "How unfortunate. I wish I could help facilitate running water systems in third world countries. How rewarding would that be?!"

I moved on to this next fact, "The inventor of the flushing toilet was Thomas Crapper". Immediately shouted internally, "NO WAY! THIS IS GARBAGE. Perfect example of free reign on the Internet. Damn you google machine!" As I questioned the validity of this factoid as well as the overall validity of the article I hopped onto Wikipedia and searched for “Thomas Crapper”. This should clarify any concerns I know you all have:

Thomas P. Crapper (baptized 28 September 1836 - 27 January 1910) was a plumber who founded Thomas Crapper & Co. Ltd. in London. Despite the urban legend, Crapper did not invent the flush toilet (the myth assisted by his surname). However, Crapper did much to increase its popularity and came up with some related inventions. He was noted for the quality of his products and received several Royal Warrants. The manhole covers with Crapper's company's name on them in Westminster Abbey are now a minor tourist attraction.

Crapper's name is sometimes associated with the words crap and crapper although the first recorded use of word crap dates to before Crapper's career and the first use of the word crapper was long after the end of his career and its derivation could be from the word crap, or from Crapper or both.

A pic of Crapper himself:

The Sordid Airplane Lavatory

I am pretty certain it was Benjamin Franklin who once said, “In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes”. This may have held true for a man who lived a simple life during 18th century America. But Benjamin Franklin did not live in this post modern world with planes, trains, automobiles, running water and public restrooms. I have always said, “In this world nothing is certain but death, taxes and the consensus amongst all human-kind that airplane bathrooms are foul breeding zones for infectious disease and lingering smells enough to make one heave”.

I was recently on a mid-day flight to the armpit of America (better known as central New Jersey), minding my business in the aisle seat, row 25. Naturally, being the small-bladdered gal I am, while everyone else was noting the emergency exit locations on the aircraft, I was noting lavatory locations. “Perfect!” I thought, “I love when there are bathrooms at both the back and front of the plane.”

Once settled in, I noticed a tall disheveled British woman sitting in the aisle seat diagonally in front of me. She was wearing what seemed to be her husband’s rather large polo shirt over her brown halter sundress, a banana clip from 1980, lee-press-on nails, smeared mascara running down her face and cheetah patterned platforms with at least a four inch heel. Only her shoes were not on her feet. She had kicked them off; assumed they were as uncomfortable as they looked.

After an hour in the air I made my way towards the front of the plane to use the bathroom. I noted the hideously strong airplane bathroom/urine smell reflective of the 12 ounces of urine resting on the floor. Why do so many people miss? (Must save speculation for another blog entry). Either way, I thought, “These jean must not be worn a second go around, bottoms have touched this floor”. I worked my way back to my seat.

Tall Disheveled British Woman stood up most abruptly; barefoot she worked her way up to the restroom. Yes, BAREFOOT! My jaw dropped in astonishment and I found myself empathetic to her clueless situation. She came back to her seat, sat down, only to go back into the bathroom BAREFOOT once again half an hour later. Did she not realize her feet were wet the first time?

For the remainder of the flight, I starred at her feet, waiting for them to turn an olive shade of green but could not help but question the validity of my longstanding theory on life...you know, only certain things...death...taxes... consensus amongst all human-kind that airplane bathrooms are foul breeding zones for infectious disease and lingering smells enough to make one heave. Bewildered.

Moral of the story: We all step in urine from time to time but how we do it (shoes vs barefoot) is what matters most.